Divorcing a narcissist can feel overwhelming – especially for empathic moms who are trying to protect both their children and themselves. Narcissists thrive on control, and two of their most powerful tools are fear and blame. By understanding these tactics, you can begin to take your power back, set boundaries, and heal.

How Narcissists Use Fear

Fear is one of the narcissist’s favorite weapons. It creates confusion and compliance, leaving you feeling trapped. Here are common ways fear shows up:

• Explosive Anger and Unpredictability: Narcissists often lash out over minor issues, keeping you walking on eggshells. This unpredictability makes you second-guess your every move.
• Gaslighting: By denying reality or twisting facts, narcissists make you doubt your memory, perception, or sanity. Over time, you may feel like you can’t trust yourself.
• Threats and Ultimatums: From threatening to take the kids away to saying “no one else will ever love you,” these tactics prey on your deepest insecurities.
• Creating Chaos: Constant drama keeps the focus on them and drains your energy, making it harder for you to think clearly or stand your ground.

How Narcissists Use Blame

Blame allows narcissists to avoid accountability and maintain control. For moms in the middle of a narcissistic divorce, this can feel especially painful.

• Shifting Blame: No matter what happens, the narcissist finds a way to pin it on you.
• Weaponizing Guilt: “After everything I’ve done for you…” is a common phrase. This manipulates you into compliance out of obligation.
• Public Shaming: Subtle digs or outright humiliation make you fear social judgment and silence you.
• Playing the Victim: By painting themselves as the one who suffers, narcissists make others rally to their side and pressure you into giving in.

The Impact on Moms and Children

When fear and blame dominate your relationship, your confidence as a mother can be shaken. Narcissists often target parenting, leaving you second-guessing yourself. Children may also be caught in the crossfire, experiencing confusion or emotional stress.

But here’s the truth: these tactics are about control, not your worth. Recognizing them is the first step toward reclaiming your power.

Steps Toward Healing

1. Awareness – Naming the tactics breaks their hold over you.
2. Boundaries – Clear, consistent boundaries protect you and your children.
3. Support – Therapy, coaching, or community with others who understand can provide strength and validation.
4. Self-Compassion – Healing takes time. Be patient and kind with yourself.

Moving Forward

If you’re navigating divorce with a narcissist, remember: you are not alone, and you are not powerless. With the right tools and support, you can protect your children, rebuild your confidence, and create a healthier future.

If you haven’t already, download my free resource: the Narc-Proof Parenting Plan Blueprint. And keep going – you and your children deserve peace and freedom from fear and blame.